"That you may ruminate"

…On Halloween.

Posted by Steve on October 31, 2008

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

-Tina Fey, via Cady Heron, Mean Girls

As a co-worker put it around Halloween last year, “Every women’s costume for Halloween is ‘take something and make it sexy’.  Even if she were dressing up as a chicken, it’d be ‘I’m a sexy chicken!'”.  Indeed.

Halloween is for women.

Look, I appreciate the female form and its overwhelming beauty, the splendor and majesty that is seen when I gaze upon a woman.  I enjoy seeing women dress “like a total slut”, I enjoy seeing women dressed in a sexy manner, I can admit that.  Well, I enjoy it in the sense that I admire what I see, appreciate the aesthetic pleasure, and wish I had the artistic ability that would justify asking someone to sit as a model for me.  I do not enjoy the feelings of embarrassment, shame, and despair that come with paying attention to a woman’s beauty.  Accordingly, the “dressing up in sexy costumes” aspect of Halloween is a mixed bag for me.  On the one hand, I like looking at it, on the other hand, I hate looking at it.

Of course, I can’t participate in it.  There’s nothing sexy about men, especially not obese balding men.

Ok, well, what about trick-or-treating?

Trick-or-treating, is a custom for children on Halloween in which they proceed from house to house in costumes, asking for treats such as confectionery or sometimes money with the question, “Trick or treat?”

-Wikipedia.

Ah, I see, Halloween is for children!

Ok, so, I’m decades past childhood.  And I have no children of my own.  And though I bought candy with intent to give it to trick-or-treaters, there hasn’t been a single one to come to my door.

So.

Halloween is for women and children.

How am I supposed to enjoy it?

The answer is, of course, by trying to make myself a costume that transforms me into the most gruesome, ghastly, beastly monster possible come Halloween.  Or putting together a haunted house (or at least trying to work for one).  I guess maybe there’s next year.

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